Too Fat??

Sunday- Morning jogging
- Evening hiking with daddy
Monday- Swimming with mummy
Wednesday- Yoga with mummy
Thursday- Cycle
Saturday- Jogging or gym

I'm just too fat xD

Diary?

Haiya!!! It has been quite awhile since I last updated my blog.. Didn't find to do it >.< Well.. I finished my last paper on Friday, which was quite tough >.< (seriously).. And went to Sunway with Meiyen and Lam to watch pirates.. Erm.. Nice movie.. BUT.. The mermaid didn't go topless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE was waiting for THAT!!!!! Pah!!! Stupid M'sai cinema.. Cut cut cut.. Cheat money only =.= Lam lost her things AGAIN=.= This time is her new bought slippers (last time her phone =.=) at the same place which is the popcorn vendor except in the different mall=.= Haih..

Got something for J and myself =D I didn't noticed the charm bracelet is for charity until after I gave it to him >.> He said he is going to wear it and would never take it off.. But I seriously doubted that >.< Don't misunderstand me, I didn't doubt him but i doubted the quality of the bracelet.. I mean com'on la.. It is going to break off in a week >.< (I hope not.. CHOI!!) Then had dinner with Ah Howe koko n Karen jie jie..

Came back to penang on Saturday morning.. Kept dozing off while talking to daddy@@ Well.. I knew it.. I can't text as much as I like as in Subang or Klang.. Daddy kept scolding me=.= What.. Itz not like I texted a lot.. A few hundreds nia mar.. Okay okay.. A thousand >.< Okay okay.. Around there lar >.< Hehe xD

Went to meet J and had dinner in Burger King(date?@@).. Hmm.. Words can't really describe how I feel about him.. I don't know why I have the urge to keep sticking close to him >.< And feel like hugging him, laying on him, and even.. Kissing him >.< Luckily I'm not the only one.. He said he felt the same.. Hmm.. I don't know (shrug) *innocent way xD We'll see.. But what I do know is.. I felt so so so comfortable around him.. Being myself for the first time.. Not worrying that he would look at me differently for being myself.. Oh ya!!!!! I had my first ciggy!!!!! xD *throw some flowers xD Kept choking >.< So sia sui.. Hmm.. Maybe I should practice by myself by before seeing him again =D

Daddy tortured me!!!! >.< Forced me to go for station 6 =.= What the heck.. I haven't been exercising for 6 months!!!! And you ask me to hike for 2 hours????? And then jog for another half an hour????? =.= Haih.. Gonna have sore muscles tonight..

想太多？

是我想太多。。把你的温柔和体贴，你的甜言蜜语，想成了我想要的样子。。你是情场高手，我只是个孤单了太久的小瓜。。我不懂你脑子里在想什么。。看着我团团转很好玩吗？或者你是真的喜欢我？ 还是就有那一点点的感觉？可能你自己也不清楚。。哈哈。。看来我们还有很多很多的冤枉路要走喔。。

当你说起你一大摞的旧情人，我的心疼你看不见，也听不出来。。当你说你想念着你现任女友，我好想问你，那我算什么？却不敢问出口，害怕听到答案。。我宁愿不去问。。你的谎言不是我不懂。。只是揭发了，我们什么都不是了。。

你说你喜欢和我说话。。是新鲜吗？我自认我是个怪咖。。好多人都喜欢和我说话聊天，因为觉得我很有趣（自恋ing xD）。。除此之外呢？你不爱我。。你爱的还是她。。你口口声声说她让你烦了。。但是你心底还是爱着她的。。这个我比你了解。。嘻嘻。。谁叫我喜欢你呢。。

而我呢。。只是个空闲时的陪伴。。在你还觉得我有趣的时候，就让我很自私地，享受你一点点的温柔。。这样算不算太贪心？

Cafe

Haiya~ It's me again.. I'm now in facebook bookstore opposite TCSJ.. A very nice place with the atmosphere I like^^ I'm sorry you can't take a look at the photos because I'm too shy to take any o>..< simple things but very cute and adorable.. Wooden utensils, little bean bags, sacks, well-decorated photo frames, cups and the most unique little things I ever seen.. A huge wooden book shelf stocked with the types of books and novels that I love.. I was quite amazed by their collection of books when I first came here.. Very well stocked indeed>.< and the magazine shelve is on the other side of the wall together with newspapers.. The most attractive part of the whole shop I must admit is the coffee bar and the cake rack.. Yes the one that you often seen in the Taiwanese or Korean drama >.<

Well, today I ordered a mango ice blended.. The Note there I wrote less sweet and wow.. They really mean it by giving me no sugar at all>.< okayy.. I don't mean no sugar when I say less sweet >.< But then.. Okayy la.. Good for health.. lol..

Hmm.. The music playing quite nice^^ Guess I won't need my headset after all =)

But seriously.. I'm so sleepy>.> didnt sleep well or long enough last night.. Screwed up my paper today again.. Well, I won't day screw up la.. I finished it and I know what am I writing.. But then.. Oh well.. It is quite a tough paper.. So.. Keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best then^^

Now.. I wonder how am I going to drive with these sleepy eyes later@@ And I dare not the ask him drive anymore.. This morning what a big tantrum he threw at me O.O Driving like a mad man, blasting the music and slamming the door like that.. But I still managed to fall asleep despite all that>.> You can imagine how sleepy I was then and how sleepy I will become after the horrible paper>.> Seriously.. Hopefully no accident later..

Sinful?

Is the nightmare going to return to me? After one year.. I thought I have pushed it back far enough.. But now.. The deja vu makes it feels like yesterday.. When they all look at me differently over a night.. When she cried in front of them as if all fault is on me.. When they all buy her talks.. When he felt the pressure and started to ignore me.. Balless jerk.. You have no idea what have I been through after you stepped on my heart over and over again.. I turned from a A scorer to a fail student.. I turned from a good friend to a bitch.. The tears I cried compare with the pain in the heart.. Is nothing..

I was too greedy.. In the end I lost everything.. Love, friendship, respect and my heart.. Even now when I return to my previous college.. The look on their faces.. As if I'm a slut.. The way they talk to me.. Is never the same anymore.. My heart finds it hard to pump for anyone.. You don't expect a powdered heart to pump right?

Until he comes into my life.. Well.. It was so easy to talk to him.. He makes me feel like myself for once in my life other than with F7.. Friends? I don't think so.. Do you talk to a normal friend 24/7? Do you share everything to a normal friend your secrets and your dark past? No right.. Lovers? Erm.. No.. He has a gf..

I hate this.. The similarity freaks me out.. To think that they are brothers makes it even worse!!! Do siblings have same taste?@@ If yes, why I don't really like my sister's bf? If no, then why they erp.. Maybe it is just me that think too much.. I should really give this a break..

Headache.. Haiz..

Weird Dream

Morning, world!!! =) Brights and shines!!

Had a very very weird dream this morning.. In the dream, daddy bought me a fucking YELLOW myvi.. As in bright lemon yellow=.= What would he ever do that??? He knew I hate it as much as I hate =x And even worse is.. My sis won a red myvi in some stupid competition and daddy bought mum a black one=.= and my another cousin sister got a white one for her birthday.. So we were like cruising with the myvis=.= Sweat right? Cruising with myvis=.= What a stupid dream!!!!! Blame J for it xD He didn't wake me up T^T

Have to study later >.< Tomorrow exam dee..

Ps: Kakak maggi really salty >.< I'm going to get botak in no time..

Not good enough

Well.. J told me to be myself around him.. Or just be comfortable all the time.. Is not like I don't want to be myself.. Just that.. I always think that I'm not good enough.. Since young, I am compared with my awesome cousins and even my own sister.. Look! Who scored how many As.. Who won this.. Who won that.. Who got into what university.. And I hate it.. HATE HATE HATE!!! Don't misunderstand me.. I love my sister and my cousins.. They are great.. Just that I hate those adults (aunties and uncles) comparing us during festive or family gatherings.. What they intended to prove praising they own child like that.. What they wanted to achieve humiliating my parents like that.. I'm just not good enough for them.. Eventually.. A mask is what I wear in front of them.. To act like I'm happy for their child.. That I don't care a dame what they said.. And in front of my parents, I try to act like someone I am not to please them.. An ideal daughter.. A good student.. Teacher's golden gurl..

I'm tired.. I want to do what I want.. To be what I want to be.. To experience love and to explore more of my teenage life.. I have 6 months left.. Until I turn 20.. How long do I have to continues like this? To act as if I'm okay with all this.. To be what they want me to be.. Haven't I done enough?

I'm torn and worn out.. Do you know? Inside me.. It lays only a broken soul without wings..

I should be studying

Law Paper 2 on Tuesday.. I should be studying now.. But I have no mood at all.. I wonder what would daddy and mummy think if they learn that I'm not studying as I should be.. Disappointed?Bleh.. Not in the study mode now.. Maybe later..

I want my lunch.. Why are they not back yet.. I'm dying..

A new start

Deleted everything inside my old account that day.. Created by sy in 2008, when I looked back it was so foolish, full of my groans, moans and endless complaints.. To some, those are memories.. To me, they are just something that I should let go.. Long ago..

Somewhere over the rainbow huh.. Yeah.. It is a song I love and my dream.. Some day, somewhere over the rainbow, I really hope I could find that someone.. Someone which is special to me as I am to him.. Smiling at me, he would stretch out his hands and bring me to his world, to our world.. I don't mean fairyland or fantasy or those unrealistic things of course.. Just the normal live we lead but now there are two of us to face it instead of me alone.. I'm tired of being alone.. I'm sick of looking at those great guys out there slipping through my fingers every time I approach them..

Wait!!!! To the "special" guy, well I tell you, I'm going to whack and spank and punch you when I see you.. And ask, "Where have you been all these years?" Haha.. Poor guy.. But I don't care xD

Hmm.. Waiting for my friend to wake up.. We made a bet yesterday.. Hopefully he keeps his words la xD

I didn't cry last night.. Just.. Emo.. I hate the feeling.. Of losing.. Bye byes and ignores upset me.. A lot.. I wonder is it because of what he did last time.. Hmm.. That's the only reason I can find.. Well, enough of him.. This new blog ain't gonna be about him.. Not anymore.. Peace xD

Have to study today >.< Next paper on Tuesday.. Wish me luck anyone..